All romantic relationships go through ups and downs and they all take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change with your partner. But whether your relationship is just starting out or you’ve been together for years, there are steps you can take to build and maintain a healthy relationship.

Here are 4 tips from mindfulness practitioner, Adjie Santosoputro that can help you build and keep a romantic relationship that’s healthy and happy.

Adjie.pngFoto dok: Adjie Santosoputro

“No one would ever be ready to be in a relationship," Adjie Santosoputro said. “Many people hastily seek a relationship, or even a marriage, because they want to be happy, which I think is quite an incorrect plan.” According to this mindfulness practitioner, one must achieve a certain level of fulfilment before getting into a relationship with someone. “The idea is to share what you have attained, and not to expect your partner to be fully responsible for your happiness.”

Moreover, setting aside any egoism is necessary to have a healthy and mindful relationship with another. “To love someone, you need to shed your selfishness; and, not everyone is ready for that,” he said. “Your happiness is not the only important thing because your partner’s wellbeing is equally important. The key is to practice active listening and respect your partner.”  

Another aspect that is key in maintaining a mindful relationship is to have a healthy level of intimacy. “Spend some quality time together with your partner to create a strong bond between the two of you. However, forget not to balance it with some private time.” Equally important is to master the art of quarrelling, according to Santosoputro. “Conflicts are an unavoidable part of a relationship. The more you try to avoid them, the more it will become a ticking time bomb that could go off anytime.”

Here are Adjie’s tips for maintaining a mindful relationship:

1. Most of the time, you feel threatened during a quarrel, which results in anger to protect your ego. Being aware of your unpleasant emotions, and not repressing them, is an integral part of mindfulness.
2. Usually, you quarrel with your partner because your expectations are unmet. It is all good to have expectations and to stand your ground. However, do understand that there are compromises to be made.
3. When you are overwhelmed by unpleasant emotions, pause for a moment before carrying on with your arguments.
4. Taking a break from your quarrel does not mean avoiding conflicts. When you are ready, revisit the issues with a clearer head and resolve them.